Fear Of Abandonment is one of the Prime problems for borderliner’s, there is a handful of key issues that are main triggers for borderliner’s and this one is one of the ripe issues for people with BPD. It leads to so much self-destruction & destruction in others has regards to healthy relationships, Because no matter if relationships are positive or negative it really doesn’t matter when regarding to fear of abandonment because if the relationship is positive, you have the fear you’ll lose them & they could be in your mind the most important or most loved person or relationship you have in your life, so the problem with that is you then begin to put that person or relationship on a pedestal which no human or relationship could ever live up to, Which then causes friction within the relationship because the person or relationships faults may begin to start to come into effect and then you are in a spiral downwards in your mind, not only have they not lived up to your expectations it also brings up your fear to the forefront with thoughts like ‘I cant loose this person/relationship’ ‘I wont be able to cope without them’ So you just accept the problems and try to keep the connection has best you can while at the same time not being aware of the relationship may be heading into a wall through your actions or just because relationships break down through life, so the fear of abandonment the very thing you dread becomes the very thing that begins to take place.
With Negative relationships/persons the fear of abandonment is very much a total negative experience, with the relationship already at a negative place the fear then begins to come to the forefront much quicker because even though it maybe a negative thing you cling onto it with every fibre of your being because the unknown is very much darker than the negative relationship could ever give you, But without being aware the very negativity of the relationship/person is a direct reason to your fear of abandonment being manifested in such intense ways, but loosing that connection is much much harder to cope with than living with the negativity, But the fear of abandonment is that much higher because you are aware that at any moment it could end because its negative unlike a positive relationship/person where you both would try your up most to make it work, with a negative relationship/person one side is almost ready to leave any second, which you are aware of which then makes the fear of abandonment that much more destructive to you life but to others around you.
Fear of Abandonment may seem like I’m just talking about relationships with partners it might come across has, but I’m trying to direct it to all aspects of relationships/people, example like with parents the fear of loosing your parents is one thing iv personally had to deal with since age 15 I’m now 28, so I know a thing or a two about dealing with that specific problem, but the fear of abandonment through research comes from your childhood connections to your mother and father and the ways you was raised. Now I’m not saying I agree or disagree with that I’m just saying that’s where the fear of abandonment is based from, this problem affects through our entire life until we are able to tackle it, which through therapies you can have the chance to tackle this, But the fear is not irrational like some experts will have you believe its not always irrational but it can be of course like most things we all can take things out of context or explode at something and minutes later be like.
I kind of over reacted there sorry, but the fear of abandonment is one very much destructive issue in my life personally and I’m sure for many others, because you are not able to live YOUR life, your not able to achieve the things YOU want out of life, because your worrying 24/7 about the irrational and the real problems that affect the relationships in your life, your that worried that your basically standing still waiting for the inevitable to happen which also has its negative effects which can lead us to destructing the relationships even more to make the very thing we are trying to prevent from happening, we are actually the ones making it happen.
This problem is very much in the mind and heart and soul it truly is because we love so much with BPD the emotions are so intense we love to the utter max and we hate to the max in such rapid states, its hard to process it but we LOVE to the utter max of any humans limits and the fear feeds on this love because we want to keep them so much yet the more we love the more its feeding the fear of abandonment its learning how to be able to LOVE freely without feeding this beast, Learning the skills to fend off this problem so we can finally be able to have relations and have a somewhat meaningful life without the fear of loosing them for whatever reason, some irrational some real.
Now of course we all have fears and worry’s but most people are able to continue with life and in the event that thing happens then they will deal with it when it comes, with us with BPD we worry to the point we are not living any type of life, we are waiting for it happen. Its all about learning the skills to fend off these things with borderliner’s we have to learn these things and be READY that’s such a KEY thing, to be READY to take them on because learning these new skills does mean re setting your mind and adjusting to the changes which change for us with BPD is the ultimate enemy.
CBT (Cognitive behaviour therapy) Is proven to be very helpful for borderliner’s to help deal with this problem, iv had CBT and it worked wonders for my anger and self hate etc, it truly saved 1 relationship for me which was my mother and I, because I learned things in that therapy that I was blind too, so CBT can work if you are ready to attempt it but it is like all therapies very hard to do and takes a lot but its meaningful, you get out what you put in to it, like with most things.
Fear Of Abandonment is todays topic for BPD awareness Month of May, I was going to add a entire section from the well sourced websites to help define Fear of ab,, in a perspective of the system but id rather just stick this topic has from my perspective because iv lived with this for over 20 years so I have a well grasp of it what it feels like etc, and I’m sure if your reading this I’m sure its like wise for yourself. But you can check out the NHS website has the number 1 website to help get a Brief I mean BRIEF grasp of topics I may discuss, but it gives you a taste of what things are like in some detail, but there’s many other websites and forums that explain things in greater detail. But yes id like to say thank you if you took the time to read this post today, Its Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness Month of May! Spread the word to people you know to help make BPD more known to the society also to help you family member’s try to understand your family members with bpd or friends etc.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post. (Fear Of Abandonment)