Abigail ‘The Jin who wasn’t’
This blog is a very personal journey that you’re about to go on reading this, Abigail just typing the name increases my anxiety. Abigail who at my worst time in my life in 2013 after the loss of my children & loss of someone else who I loved, I kind of lost my mind entirely and in one night I got this sense of something with me.
(I’m a highly Spiritual person, But 110% Anti religious)
I got this sense of something warm with me after months of pure coldness and I got this name hit me from out of nowhere the name was ‘Abigail’ and it stuck with me with also an image of what she looked like, Being around 5,5, Long blonde hair, and beautiful beyond beauty, she seemed to me like an angel. All this was an image in my mind, not the type of seeing things but the type of just knowing it and having the ability to draw that type of image.
It was a very warm feeling for many months, until it began to turn a little sour, she would tell me things about my partner and make me think things that wasn’t real or half real and half craziness. This began to control me and it was forbidden to even speak her name, all this hit me as a sense and like I knew not to do something, without hearing voices because I didn’t nor did I see anything, it was all strictly feeling and senses.
It got to a point where id believe everything ‘Abigail’ would tell me through feeling and sense and id ignore anything my partner said, even to the point of telling her my partner she’s trying to kill me and trying to hurt me, my partner took this rather hard. I was convinced that my partner was trying to kill me I even sought legal advice, it wasn’t up for debate, it was true, But it wasn’t.
It didn’t just end there I started to get images and thoughts that was NOT mine, real disturbing thoughts that I will not even share, but what I will say is if you picture everything bad you can do to a human you picture, its likely it was in my thoughts because they was deep and disgusting. I only ever spoke about ‘Abigail’ to my partner, no other human as ever heard any of these details.
AS you might of noticed when I speak of ‘Abigail’ its in this form, because she must be unattached in the sentence when talking about her because that’s how I used to be controlled, I do it now not because I’m still under that, but because I don’t want to and I have the power not to, not her. Now you might also notice I’m speaking of her in this form ‘Her’ when I describe her as a Jin I do this for two reasons, firstly its easier to the reader to speak in such simple ways because if I replace her with the word Jin it gets rather detached and I want you to be attached while reading this.
Secondly This Jin was a she/her to me that’s how it came across to me, that’s how it entered my life so to describe it as a she feels okay. The foundation of this energy coming to me is still a mystery to me, I cannot state which day or date or even time that this came to me, all be it the year which was 2013, during that year it was the worst in my life with the death of my children and something tragic happening to my partner, in that single year these horrific things happened to me & also this is when ‘Abigail’ came to me in an energy form.
What I mean I by an energy form is that I first got this sense of this alien like energy ‘Not that I felt something psychical’ but rather I just felt an energy that wasn’t mine around me & my ora. Since that moment of awareness that’s when I suddenly got the name ‘Abigail’ it came out of nowhere, I don’t know anyone with this name nor have I ever met anyone with this name, this name is entirely new to me, so for this name to come to me out the blue alongside this new energy, that’s the logic of what I’m trying to say.
This energy stayed with me for around 2 years not to be too specific because I’m still hesitant to say this energy is 100% away from me because I’m a very spiritual person so I can not ever say for 100% that something is gone, energy wise.
But recently I learned or came to the idea of where ‘Abigail’s’ origins come from now for several months I’ve been questioning where did ‘She’ come from? now this is the honest truth – the only time I have heard the name ‘Abigail’ is in the movie BLADE 3 and I watched this when it came out at a very troubled home life time, during the time of this coming out my family life was in a mess and I personally lost my mind, watching this movie and hearing the name Abigail something hit me and it was there and then I understood my Abigail’s origins, that name stuck with me as a TRIGGER a UNKNOWN TRIGGER, for some reason my mind attached itself to this name randomly and during the worst time in my childhood, my mind kept this and then later in life when I was equally at rock bottom, serious rock bottom that’s when the name and energy came back to me.
Some may call it nasty names with this whole blog, some will say its spirituality at its best, some would turn to religion, some would just connect with this.
Me personally it was all spiritual and very interesting to learn this about Abigail < to which you might notice I’m no longer using it in bracket form. I’m not religious at all, but I’m very spiritual and understanding this key part of my life was very upsetting to be honest, it hurt me that maybe this was all just in my mind and not actually real, it was real to me and maybe the energy was legit or maybe it was my mind trying to cope with my mental breakdown, I’m not experienced enough to say which it may be.
This was a very personal blog to write about, although its a lot shorter because I tried to keep it quiet brief, because I did make big jumps writing the blog but its got enough information to show you the journey I had.
Although it wasn’t nice at all and it was all very dark and demonic during these 2 years, but I wanted to do this blog to highlight that sometimes things we feel that are real and might hear voices or see things, sometimes its literally what it is in the mind and sometimes it takes a personal journey of discovery to beat these things.
Some find it helpful to have medication, me personally I’ve been there and I much prefer a spiritual journey.
I’m not dismissing those who struggle with voices or seeing things I’m just saying that sometimes it can be helped to self discover things personally on your own, if its possible for 2 years I wasn’t able to do this, but I am now.
Just try to keep some hope and faith to those who are struggling, try your best to keep the faith of some sort.
I hope you enjoyed this blog today, feel free to leave any comments or feedback. Thank You