BPD Awareness Month (Depression)

Today topic is Depression now this goes hand in hand with BPD, has it does with many other Mental illnesses & in physical illnesses, something terminal or a serious life changing accident will lead to some form of depression weather its chronic depression or mild depression. So depression does touch all aspects of life, not just the mentally ill or the emotionally unstable has its termed heavily in society. Not a term I use at all. So todays topic will require both sides of the coin, My side & the Pros side. So ill begin with my story first.

Depression when was i aware of it first, i could actually say at age 15 I think is when it really began to sink in hard, I had mild depression from 13 upwards but it was mild, but 15 upwards is when it began to take shape and begin to control my life, Now age 15 was the year I finished school, So a lot of things was going on with my life, leaving school, worrying ill never see some friends again because they was mainly just school friends and not social friends, worry’s about this is what my life has been since i can remember was school, how will I function outside of school, the social aspect, the work aspect knowing i was leaving school with D’s, F’s , E’s and one Unclassified I did that BAD. I was not an academic student, i hated most of school i fount it very peer pressuring and a lot of bullying went on too, ill be telling you a dark story about school later on which to my knowledge if old school friends who I’m in touch with and family do read this today they will learn of this for the 1st time, its nothing to brag about NOR am I proud of it, but i was being bullied quiet severely and being followed out of school etc, But to get back on topic, I was not very academic and i struggled a lot in school, and i got very little perhaps 1/half% of help in school, my school was poorly funded and the closure of a nearby school ‘Padstow’ thus that brought all there students or majority of their students to our school and then it became so overcrowded it was unreal, also a lot more dangerous because that school was a PIT of Human waste, that infected our school. I have very little compassion for anyone who was from that school, I could not care less honestly.

My depression was impacting me in my last 2 years of schooling, it got so bad inside that the nights before school i would be in my room thinking of ways to hurt myself so i don’t have to go to school the next day, I never did anything at that time i was too young really and had not so much courage to self harm like I would be in few years time. Depression struck me at such an early age, i never spoke about it, know one knew i had any struggles, well why would they? its not like my family home was a loving environment, Mother downstairs, father upstairs not speaking to each other, only speaking to argue, argue over things like ‘WHY IS THE SKY BLUE’…. So my family home was a wreck and my schooling was hell if I’m honest the thoughts I had in school was like well at least when I’m being bullied at least I don’t have to sit in my room and listen to screaming and f’ing and blinding and banging and all that bullshit. At least in school I was out of that hell just to be in another. Often in spanish class which if old school mates are reading this they’ll remember most of our schooling life, in spanish class id always look out the window because it was top floor and back then the windows are odd they was massive and opened outwardly, so you could literally jump out, which I always thought that from age 13 upwards about doing that. Its actually a pleasant thought, im smiling has i wrote that, nice memories that.

So you can see how depression was for me at the very BEGINING of it, this was the 1st few years of being aware of it, which in my opinion the 1st few years of anything mental related are the hardest years to get through, in my opinion. Now this story is dark and don’t worry i didn’t do anything I lacked the courage to do so, One particular boy was bulling me in English class i will NOT say his name, And not one of my friends was in English class with me either, but this one boy bullied me for about 2 years ,years 10/11. So one day I took a Norman bates ‘Psycho Movie’ type Knife to school with the intention of stabbing him to death, i had it in my backpack. When he started like he always did, i flung open my bag and grabbed the knife to then only loose the courage, I instead said to him in front of everyone, You should be careful who you bully, because you never know what they have in their bags or on them’ i smirked at him and then went back to my seat and sat down and his face was a picture and everyone in his little KLIQ, their faces was in a state of shock and then an awkward laugh and I laughed in my seat, and from that day on he never said a word to me, other than to his mates, looks its the weirdo. Ha. Now at this time too i went trough a GOTH stage and i was wearing one of my hoodies a LINKIN PARK reanimation Hoodie to be specific.

So i fit the image of a crazed teenager, although I’m far from it, that’s when I learned of my Psycho eyes has people have told me, a certain look I can pull, It makes me laugh but others like stop it, but whatever I have to laugh. Also a side note this boys mate well one of them i also stood up to again, this is when i learnt about my own speaking skills, because he was not has bad that was prick, but this lad was a bitch, so one day i stood up to him and I berated him so bad, that the whole class cheered me after and was like WTF, and he went bright red and said im going to smash you up when we leave the room, i said do it now Bitch. To then have class finish and he walked behind me on leaving so, i turned around and said come then, and he said no leave it yeah. I was like yeah Because you know, Yeah I may not be the popular idiot in the school, but at least i have balls. Now i may not seem the type to be bullied but in my infant years lets say ,young boy, early teenager I was very shy and quiet, unlike now days. People mistaken my shyness for weakness, they soon learned the truth. Now this was at a time when my depression was at its beginning , later on in life it would take a much more extreme stance on me and my life. I wasn’t aware of BPD I only learnt of BPD in 2012.

So i was always told i was depressed and that’s it, to then be on every single medication known to man for over 7 years, to then them finally discovering I am Borderline, after years of mistreatment and lack of understanding, Now depression is a symptom of my issues not the cause like they had thought for the first 7 YEARS. I can honestly say yes i am depressed but I don’t THINK it affects me has bad has it used to, only people around can tell me if it has changed over time, because i am blind to it, Now clearly I’m not stupid i know I’m different now but you guys get what I mean, Sometimes I feel I have to explain in such great and basic detail so I don’t get misunderstood. So depression it affects us all no matter our gender, race, creed, finance situation, celebrity or joe blogs, successful or unsuccessful, mentally ill, or not, insane or not.

Depression will and does hit all aspects of human life so its something we all can relate to, even if you’ve never been depressed which i doubt because we are all human and we all feel depressed at times, in my opinion, but if you’ve never experienced it or unaware of your experience of it, you may and will know someone who is depressed or going one step further, the person you know, they know ,someone who is depressed and so on, YET this thing called depression hits us all yet it has such a negative stigma in society even tho we all get a taste of it, unlike BPD where 1/10 will be borderline and depression I don’t have the stats but my best guess would be 8/9-10 will have it or have experiences of it, and yet in society depression is looked at like oh your depressed aww poor you, Well what about ME, iv got 5 jobs, 12 kids, iv got a mother who’s this and iv got a father who’s that, and you have just yourself and your complaining.

That is the kind of reaction you get when depression is brought up with ignorant anti- Humans, they will go straight to their life’s to tell you what REAL DEPRESSION IS, even tho they have no clue what side of the face there talking out of. I’m sure if you’ve experienced depression I’m sure you can relate to that last part i wrote, and perhaps smiled has you read it, I know I was smiling when i was writing it. The ignorance sometimes, you just have to laugh or else you’d cry. Now iv spoke at length about depression and yes iv not spoken about life after school and etc, the reason iv not done that is because iv just touched on the schooling part and its lengthy and that VS the after school well put it this way all that above is 1%, after school is the 99% so you can imagine how lengthy that would be. And I don’t want to bore anyone to tears. So here’s some clinical information now to help you digest it in a clinical stance.

CLINICAL INFORMATION

Many people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) also experience problems with depression — in fact, it is very uncommon that BPD and depression do not co-occur. But what is unique about depression in BPD, and how might having both conditions affect your treatment options?

What is Depression?

The term “depression” is actually not a specific diagnosis. Instead, this term refers to the experience of depressed (blue or low) mood.  Depression is more than normal sadness. There are a number of mental health conditions that may include elements of depression, including the mood disorders, schizoaffective disorder (a psychotic disorder that includes mood symptoms), and some personality disorders (such as BPD).

Individuals who experience one or more episodes of depressed mood may be diagnosed with major depressive disorder or another disorder depending on whether other symptoms are also present.

For example, someone who experiences both episodes of depressed mood and elevated mood (mania) may be diagnosed with a bipolar disorder (a condition that is frequently confused with BPD). However, depression may also take other forms, such as is dysthymic disorder, which is characterized by chronic, low levels of depressed mood. Depression can also happen outside of these diagnostic categories, such as in bereavement.

BPD and Depression: Scope of the Problem

There is a very high rate of comorbidity between borderline personality disorder (BPD) and depression; meaning many people who have BPD also experience problems with depressed mood.

 

In fact, one study found that about 96% of patients with BPD met criteria for a mood disorder. In this study, about 83% of patients with BPD also met criteria for major depressive disorder, and about 39% of patients with BPD also met criteria for dysthymic disorder.

Is Depression Different in BPD?

Many experts have noticed that depression often presents differently in patients with BPD than in those without. In other words, the quality of depression seems to be different in BPD. For example, whereas depression is typically associated with feelings of sadness or guilt, depression in BPD has been described as being associated with feelings of anger, deep shame (i.e., feeling emotionally like a bad or evil person), loneliness, and emptiness.

People with BPD often describe feeling intensely bored, restless, and/or desperately lonely when they are depressed. Further, depressed episodes in people with BPD are often triggered by interpersonal losses (for example, the breakup of a relationship).

How Does BPD Affect the Course of Depression?

There is fairly conclusive evidence that patients with both a personality disorder and depression have poorer responses to treatment than those without a personality disorder. A meta-analysis of studies examining depression treatment outcome in individuals with both personality disorders (PDs) and depression found that individuals with PDs have poorer responses to treatment regardless of the treatment modality (i.e., medications or psychotherapy).

The good news is that research has shown that if a patient with both BPD and depression is treated for BPD and sees improvement in those symptoms, the symptoms of depression also seem to lift. But, this effect seems to only work in one direction (i.e., treatment solely focused on depression does not seem to alleviate BPD symptoms in patients who have both conditions).

What If I Have BPD and Depression?

If you think you may suffer from BPD and depression, talk to your mental health provider about the best approach to treatment. Research suggests that treatment focused on the BPD symptoms may be most effective in reducing the symptoms of both conditions. For treatment options, see “A Primer on BPD Treatments.”

Id like to thank you for taking the time to read todays blog, on DEPRESSION.

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