I LOVE YOU, I HATE YOU – LEAVE ME, PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME (BPD)
Every single Person with Borderline Personality Disorder will go through this WAR of emotions each and every single day, I can say that 100%. This is one of the most destructive set of circumstances one with BPD could ever find themselves in, it is quiet Literal a WAR of EMOTIONS. No matter if your a Man , a Woman , A child it does not matter in the slightest this specific battle is the Hardest to Live with, Key word being Live. Its these rapid painful emotions that are the most destructive, just for the 1 alone reason of if your in a relationship how is the other half meant to love us when we are changing like this, 1 minute they are our world the next minute we want them dead or worse we want to do the ….. You get my point. Its so extreme and painful inside, we love and love so much yet we are unable to show it, and the rapid changes of emotions leaves us feeling the only word I can describe it personally is ABUSED. these feelings leave me feeling abused, because we don’t ASK for them yet they are forced upon us and we then have to try to juggle them and try our best to not damage another persons life with our messed up bullshit. One would think that we do this on purpose which is one misconception out there is that we are attention seekers, to the anti-Humans who say such words, they should just try and live in our shoes for 1 second, just 1 second of these feelings and emotions and they would see it for themselves, and then no doubt they would ask you, how the F ,do you cope. COPE a much triggered word.
This just doesn’t affect your sexual relationships it affects every single aspect of your life from family, parents, to your children etc etc, how do we manage these rapid intense unwanted emotions? Medication well I have very very strong opinions on mind altering pills but that is not going to be in this blog, Meds claim to help but infact they do more harm than good. That’s has much has I will say in this blog about meds and helping us cope with these rapid unwanted emotions.
The I love you , I hate you etc , phrase is often spoken within the Borderline Community in discussion groups and forums which is why I used it here, because I know for a fact that all of us with BPD feel this to the point of … you get the point. what adds to the pain is the assumption by your family and friends and partners etc that your doing it all for attention and you want people to pity you and all them kind of words, its tragic isn’t it, saying these type of things to someone with BPD is like going up to someone on a cancer ward and saying to them to get over it and stop moaning about the pain your in, because we all have pains everyday. That what I said there is very moronic isn’t it, so are the words said to us with BPD and often they are said to us from people who have no clue about what it is your going through. Because BPD is a mental illness and they cannot SEE IT they don’t take it seriously unlike someone with a broken leg you can clearly see there struggling. But ignorant people cant see mental illness pains so they DISMISS THEM and in turn DISMISS YOU leaving you with what, just your rapid unwanted emotions. which pushes you to the brink of suicide which is the cold hard truth.
Mental illness is pain you cannot see but you damn sure can feel it.