Relationships for Borderliners

Well to begin this post il just bullet point the parts to what will be spoken about

  • FAMILY
  • PARTNERS
  • CHILDREN
  • FRIENDS

So I will begin with FAMILY , It will be varied of course but I will speak to my own personal experience and if you can relate with your family folk then we have connections with our experiences.

Finding a spot to begin is very difficult but I will start with the most important thing to me and that is UNDERSTANDING, this 1 word is something that is very hard to come by when it regards your family because they have opinions of you and/or THINK of you in a particular way and if you shade away from their views on you it makes the UNDERSTANDING stance so much harder to reach because your or their already ways behind. So trying to get your family to understand you is very difficult almost to my personal experience it would be easier trying to count all the stars in the Universe with your own eyes, Firstly they must accept the fact you have your mental health struggles no matter what they maybe it does not matter in the slightest to what condition you suffer with.

So the first step is to tell them everything has best you can and in the most simplest way possible, yes I know that’s almost impossible because its very heavy, but that’s the 1st step, and then they have to take time to digest it and then come to terms with it themselves and once or IF they are able to do this ,then you can go through the process of trying to get them to understand how things affect you and all the whats and whys ,now because I’m generally talking about BPD, this is directly at BPD now, You got to try and get your family to understand your own BPD struggles and things ,although we all have BPD diagnosis it does not mean we all work the exact same way, so be honest with your family and tell them everything has best you can to how your bpd affects your life and what they do on purpose to upset you or for the most part the things they do that upset you that they are totally unaware of, be honest with them and try to teach them about how bpd is with you and also if work from books or online sites can also help them get a grasp to what bpd is try to get them in so they can begin to try and understand what bpd is because if they begin that process to understand bpd, there on the track to understanding YOU. but it takes a 50/50 approach they have to be honest and want to do it and you have to be honest with them too and try not to shield anything. Because if you want them to understand you ,you’ve got to be YOU ,which for us borderliners is the KEY. Who are WE? but be what you know without fear of humiliation or rejection.

Now if you have a family who reject mental health for religious reasons or for any other reason like they just don’t give a damn, then you still try to explain to them everything that I said previous, but if you do get a reply like this that they are not interested ,then remember to not go into too much detail where you will be rejected more, because if your rejected at the beginning then bare in mind not to go to deep into your pot because if the softest part they reject then when it comes to the deep dark painful stuff they will make your life much much worse. so bare this in mind ,YOU know your family and YOU can have a safe assumption to weather you think they will care or not, we cannot judge their reactions beforehand but we all know weather the people we tell will care or not.

PARTNERS

Now with partners it can be hell if one of you is borderline and the other 1 is so called ‘Normal’ then this situation is already toxic, regardless if you have a good healthy relationship or not, because if one is Borderline and the other isn’t then there is going to be more difficulties. But it varies between relationship to relationship.

The most important thing is to remember to be honest with your partner and telling them about your BPD if you’ve kept it away from them, then try to be honest has best you can because this is something that you cannot hide, yes you can hide it for a while but eventually the cat gets out the bag and then the problems will come from your partner ,the kind of issues like – why didn’t you tell me? ,why don’t you trust me enough? , etc etc which them kind of questions in an emotional state will affect anyone but us borderliners we are already racing a million miles an hour with our emotions then to get this just increases it like that’s possible. So remember to be honest ,yes now clearly not from the get go like. Trust is a major thing for us Borderliners ,so you must know when you trust that person before letting them in fully. But try not to hold back once you know your commited with that person, because if you hold back it will be bad later on.

YOUR CHILDREN

Now this is something I’m yet to experience because my child is still small but it will be very soon that my child will be able to get a grasp of things so I’m aware of what’s coming. So from being borderline this is what iv got to say about your children, Now your kids will always love you no matter what but dealing with your MH struggles and then them becoming aware of it and then you having to sit them down and tell them in an ideal world, now in most cases of life its not like this I know

But them understanding your struggles will be difficult, but remember that these are you children and they will look at you no differently, now with older kids like teens and older ,clearly I have no experience in this section so it would be very unfair and uneducated for me to state things iv not personally experienced. so I am a little annoyed I cannot speak more about this on this section but I really have no experience, but I am a father and I know our kids will love us no matter what, has long has we are honest with them and truthful and loving they will not be affected in theory, now in reality I know its very much different, but I’m speaking generally on making relationships work in the sense of getting whomever it maybe to understand you, and your struggles and daily fights.

FRIENDS

Now with friends this is very touchy for me personally ,now I have 2 definitions of this I have friends and I have Mates , a friend is someone who I talk to but doesn’t understand who I am and my mental health struggles , a Mate is someone who has taken the time to understand and listen and be there no matter what.

So friends really, all I can say is be careful who you share your mental health struggles with try to make the best judgement to if that person will be supportive or if their the type of person who will not give a damn, we cannot ever really judge someones reaction but we know them enough to make a educated guess to how they would react. Like sports I’m a Manchester United fan so you can safely assume buying me a Manchester City jersey isn’t going to down well with me, its like that with friends just be aware of what type of person you are opening up to. Because friends can be devastating to ones mental health.

So this post was about RELATIONSHIPS with 4 sections of our life’s, I hope this has helped in some way and please feel free to leave any comments , Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

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